Leave it to GOD

I have briefly touched on some of my traumatic events that have happened in my life. I can't go into too much detail because of legal reasons at this point in time. However, at a later date all will be addressed.  I really don't want to make my blog all about that because I feel there is so much more about me than most people even realize or know. I used to say all the time don't underestimate me. 

Growing up I always dreamed of going places. I don't mean just traveling but making something out of my life. I would daydream of packing up and moving to new places that no one knew me and starting my life over and new.  Finding a job and working my dream on the side till I make it. I know it sounds weird, but it was my dream. 

 I was talking to someone the other day and mentioned to them that I no longer lived in Louisiana in fact I hadn't since 2013. I just one day packed up what I could and moved out of state. I moved without a plan no job no home just went. I told myself I will figure it out and I have multiple times. In that moment I realized God has never left me. He has always made away for me even when there seemed to be no way. 

God would place certain people in my life that would help me along the way. Over the years God has brought some wonderful people in my life and He has also removed some from my life. I been in a healing journey since 2021. It has also been a season of isolation and learning. Where he is molding me into who I should be in him. 

I am now in my waiting season where I am learning and preparing to solely depend on God. Where He is my provider. That when God speaks to me, I listen and do as he tell me to do. For example, I was thinking of doing something and God spoke to me clear as day saying, "you better not." I listened even though I wanted to get even. God told me no. Another time I wanted to address a certain situation and God told me no again. That he knows and sees all and will make the right people see the truth all I needed to do was trust him. 

See I am learning not everything needs my reply and for me to set it straight. That God will stand up for me when others don't. That when someone thinks they are hiding what they are doing they are wrong God knows and sees all. He will give us a time to make it right and when we don't he steps in. Often the ones that hurt us good and well know they are doing so. Now I could be wrong and that is only my experience with people. But it's like the old saying a leopard can't change its spots. 

Maybe some people just will never see the wrong that they do and the hurt they have caused in others' lives. As for me I always try to be better than the day before. I take self - evaluation often not wanting to hurt others and be made to feel like I am nothing. I never want anyone to feel like they don't matter and be forgotten. I guess some people will only see me through the false narrative they have created in their minds. 

I am now seeing that I shouldn't care what anyone says about me. Because God, Me and the one's in my life know the truth. I should just let the lies fall at the waste side. I will no longer try to get anyone to see the truth about me or my loves ones. Because if they would have really cared they would come ask me about it point blank.

 I guess it's hard for me because I actually cared and loved most of the people who have abused me. I have welcomed them with open arms into my life over and over again. At a cost to me not them. Allowing them the benefit of the doubt and forgiveness only for them to hurt me again. Thinking I am being a good Christian by forgiving actions that I good and well know they wouldn't if it happened to them. Am I wrong in this yes for allowing people no matter who they are to hurt me. That is not love at all. So, I am giving them to GOD and walking away. Letting him handle it all.