Happy 4th of July the independence of Meme.

 Happy 4th of July everyone as I am typing this, I hear the fireworks going off in the distance. There was no celebration at my place. No, friends over no family just me and my dog and we slept must of the day. I don't celebrate much anymore. In fact, I don't really have people in my life to celebrate with. It's not just this holiday its every holiday and my birthday. I don't write this to make you feel sorry for me. No, I write this to let people know things change people grow up and move on. Relationships end and families fall apart. 

As I look back over my life, I don't have too many regrets but nevertheless I do still have them. I regret putting into others' lives so much that I forget to make a life for me. I regret not being selfish and pursue my dreams. I regret staying and allowing people to disrespect me. I regret not standing up for myself and telling the truth about people and certain situations. 

Then I sit here and think about God's love for me and how he is protecting me. I asked God a long time ago to remove the people in my life that meant me no good. No matter who they were to remove me from them. God see's and knows what's in someone's heart. He sees their private conversations and knows their motives long before I do or ever will. So, now I am grateful for the life I now have. I am free from toxic people who would use me and lie about me. Mistreat me and abuse me. I can now live my life on my terms.  I now have peace and quiet in my life that I really enjoy. I have no drama at all in my life. 

This chapter in my life is all about me and for me. If you're in my life thank you and I love you. For the ones that are no longer in my life well I got to say thank you too. For you taught me a lesson on what not to accept and allow in my life. That not everyone {no matter who they are} can go where God is taking me. That's okay because if they really wanted to go, they would have treated me better. Not made fun of me, lie about me, gossip about me. Never supported me on anything I have ever done. Do I really want those kinds of people in my life? The answer to that question is Hell no.  OH, and I find it real funny how by me walking away years ago now that the trend is everyone is toxic. I am being told I am the toxic one. When I can sit here with an honest heart and mind, I never did anything to anyone. My hands are clean before God my heart is clean before God. 

I would even pray for and with these people when the whole time they were preying on me. Because when I love you, I love you till the end. I don't give up on people throw them away. I don't make people feel less than I try to support everyone and up lift them. If I go no contact its only after years of abuse from that person or persons.  I am now finding out I have had my own blood tell right out lies about me at my own expense and no one question any of those lies. Claiming to know me and love me. When in fact if that was true why didn't anyone ever come and address me about it. Not one person ever did still to this day. Just out there believing made up shit about me and the ones in my life. 

For the life of me I can't figure out why. It's not because I am rich or famous or have anything. I really don't own anything anymore. I walk everywhere I go or ride public transportation. I don't own my own home. I have no bank accounts I have nothing of monetary value. I can't figure out why to this day I am still talked about by people I no longer have anything to do with. Why people automatically assume the worst about me. 

For example, I struggle with depression, anxiety, complex post-traumatic stress disorder and a traumatic brain injury. Every day is a struggle for me I am not who I use to be at all. I even stopped singing for over a whole year {That's a big deal for me.} I stop doing a lot of things I use to. Not one friend or family member that I thought would be there for me was. I am so thankful for the ones that do care and love me now. who are in my life and check up on me. I have a whole new support system in my life.

 This Blog is a huge thing for me because I struggle with being able to communicate and read. Things that I never struggled with before. I could read two to three novels in a week. Talking was something I always enjoyed doing. Where I am from people still visit and drink coffee talk about things but for me it's hard to get the right words out. To me i think them and hear them but to others I don't. I have had people make fun of me and twist it to their advantage. 

I thank God for my advocate and my support team that helps me and stands up for me. So, on this day it's not only America's Independence Day it's mine too. I am being set free from the expectations of others the downright lies and betrayal. I am being set free from all the toxic people who want to cry victim from their own made-up drama they create so people will feel sorry and justify the way they have treated me.